It gets the better of us

Maaaan I chill,
I chill like c hi L L
my bones forecast traffic jams and detail last night’s events in off key negative c-notes
somewhere between 242nd st and grinding my teeth with strangers at 5:46 in the morning, belief in possibility dilated into bulging pupils inside skeleton crew emergency rooms, turned into splintered stars
snap snap
ratchet strapping down cheeks
the size of ash trays,
turned into the safety of fading

I chill man cuz time is needed between knocks and I don’t even have it that bad
Just tired, eyelids weary under
brick heavy clouds,
brick heavy faces
cement packed into street face,
into I’m not the one and
today’s not the day
The hope in try lost sight of me
thighs regulating beats in pulse through neck – right there, in between sleep and daydreams- fingers rip skin seams turning knuckle creases into crows feet, anxiety fucks sleep chokehold deep, fingerprints seep into sickle cell sheets

I chill man, chill in between 18hr days, snatch nano naps at red eye lights
Please don’t let me crash this van tonight
So I can live life on imagined self, thankless dollars pressed flat into white paper digested by digital box worth more than the sum of me

I chill man cuz I work, man, like a working man, sweaty calloused hands , palms aflame inflict no pain, work like Pentecostals on palm Sunday praising tongues allowed to babel in pig Latin
I work before photosynthesis even takes a breath, after fornication lets thighs n breasts rest and through every imbalanced meal
Hard to find dance steps in between the hustle to move move move
and only make slight of hand magic
Feel the kickback of static,

I chill man puffs of plastic wrapped smoke, premium pumps of tin can brew
ease pre parkinson cool jerks.
The dreams that you wish swallow quarters, swallow gold gummy fish, swallow you like mmm mmm good
transition from woman to mule to dyke to fool under over qualified for uncle Sam stamped food
why try why try harder why keep try?
I chill cuz its Friday
I got a job
And I’ve got so much shit to do

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