whole milk. two teaspoons of white sugar. mug the size of beating heart. gateway liquid. sip from psychotic child unaware of life as a concept, of self outside of eat, sleep, play. sip until hands shake. make fresh wrinkles, eating plain doughnut. swallow. which bills are more important than dreams? now: almond milk. honey. dark dark roast. bold flavor to blister off under-evolved taste buds. coffee as a place to pause, land moments and let grounds breathe.
coffee as lens for generation gaps and perpendicular lines. coffee to filter excess words from mouth. reflect. remember that in the future everything is the same.
maternal great aunt sips it black. i am her. just not yet. i still need cream and sweet to swallow. still need to offer consolation to disappointment, weariness and abandon. need teeth, just in case.
great aunt smokes newports. one half at a time because there is always another half of every story waiting for release. great aunt smokes, drinks, lives, has scars across flesh like interstate across country. i’d like to ride side saddle on a motorcycle for two and let her drive us into oblivion.
i am her. just not yet.
to do list:
ask women i respect about love
provide questions, expose intent, treat love investigation to affection saved for romance.
read books written by women about love that have nothing to do with the abuse of the following otherwise beautiful concepts: shades of grey, twilight, the act of pleasing someone, getting grooves back, notebooks…
find responses to love that are dirty, bleeding, wide-eyed, sin ropa, under water and still burning.
find responses to love that aren’t part of a FB status, meme, insta, g, 0.11.000..111000
step one – ask
what are the three things you know about love?
love’s been pasteurized, dismembered, co-opted –
sold for parts. sold to highest bidder. sold like souls.
step two – make room
sing answers into safe space, no matter presentation. no one ever asks about love. shut mouth. keep quiet til asked. listen as if love depended on knowing the exact number of vibrations words leave in ears.
keep coffee, beer and water with lemon available for speakers at all time.
step three – exhale
share lovewisdom through splintered monologues, shy eye-contact, passion fruit venom and female ejaculations.
queer or woman?
must I choose? do these identifiers exist? is one more valid than the other?
gender, gender, gender. after kittens, crafts and bowties: gender is the number one thing debated/discussed in my queer community.
one day i’ll know what i want to say, right?
so what three things do you know about love?