[julianlatshang]

August of 2006, nearly 20 years ago I had no way of knowing that one dinner invitation via AIM messenger on my first bulky laptop from Alex would create the beginning of a long friendship. If we were to be on a show together I would describe us as two characters from Betty la fea, but the American version. I would be America Fereira, Betty, the over achiever, know it all, good doer and he would be Betty’s nephew, Justin the fashionista who is gonna be brutally honest. Before there were queer taglines such as “Too gay to function” there was Alex and I. At 21 and 22 he and I were both very sensitive, and very bitchy, but bitchy to hide the fact at how sensitive to the world we truly were. Both of us being Queer and Latino in a small white school, we were often told, “Wow you’re the first out gay people we’ve ever met!” People loved telling us that in the double popped collars and spiky hair to which Alex and I would exchange glances, and say without saying, “Don’t they know their clothing and hair choices are outdated by 2-3 years…” Alex and I have traveled to many cities in the United States. We have worked together, and have led higher education efforts for LGBTQ+ people throughout the nation, together. To pick a favorite moment with Alex is impossible, but here are a few:

At the national conference in San Antonio we were given an award for our efforts in making a Latino organization more inclusive of its Queer and Latine/a/o group members. I made a speech where I explained that being Latino and Queer often left me isolated in life, but that this moment gave me hope that as educators if we can learn to include one another we are setting an example for our mentees and students. Later that night Aelx and I sat at a gay bar in San Antonio where a Selena drag queen came dancing through the dance floor. Sparkly purple outfit, gorgeous smile. I was gagged. A group of three men came towards me and approached me. They were some of the men at the Latino organization dinner I had spoken at, as they were crying, saying thank you for my efforts, and thank you for creating space for them in Latino spaces, they told me how hard it was to hide part of themselves in that Latino group. I tried hard not to cry back. For years many LGBTQ Latinos had stayed closeted at the Latino organization because sacrificing part of yourself to allow a different part of yourself to feel something, was the name of the game. Before we talked about intersectionality in the sanitized way education does, we didn’t allow people to express all of who they were. One of the men crying asked me, “What made you do this work now?” As I looked at my brother Alex across the room, I said, “That’s my brother over there, or at least he is like my brother…he and I have always been out, loud and proud, and Alex is more unapologetic than I am….I want that for all of us, we deserve that, I think.” They hugged me, and bought me a drink. Drinking my gin and ginger, I made my way to my brother as I always did in gay clubs, danced on him a little bit, drank some more, and laughed with him. Celebrated with him. I remember feeling so free. Sometimes because of how much we joke, I forget that Alex has been one of the few people in my life who has offered me safety and unconditional love. He judges me of course, but he is loyal and will always make sure I am ok.

Have you ever seen a 250 pound Filipino man drop into a full split onto the sticky club floor to Rupaul’s Supermodel? I have. Next up, comes the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia! In a smaller club with a dance floor that was barely lit, Alex and I celebrated the end of our term as the chairs to the LGBT+ group we had chaired. The bartenders were bros, wearing backwards caps, flannels and mostly offering us beers, but we wanted cocktails. Alex announced to the bar he was buying a round of alcohol! We all danced, and said hello to our friends from Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Illinois, California, New York, and Texas. We had waited all year to hug our favorites. People were buying Aelx and I drinks and thanking us for the work we did with this LGBTQ+ group. This was the year I had decided to be vegan. It was 2-3 AM, we had requested the holy trinity Beyonce, Britney and Rihanna. All songs played, and we were good and ready to go home. The bar closed Alex out. We got outside and what had been brick sidewalks were covered in snow. I remember the crisp snow under my Timbs, the crunch my boots made was delightful. As I was trying to figure out how to get home Alex said, “OMG! That bar didn’t charge me for anything but a few drinks!” We laughed, thought that was amazing, and counted all the drinks we had gotten our friends. Still drunk, we realized we were hungry. We stumbled into a 7-11 and we got hotdogs and slushies. I said, “I don’t want to be vegan anymore!” Alex laughed, “You’re a mess!” Under those bright fluorescent lights in downtown philly in an orange 7-11, I felt like we ran the world. I felt like there wasn’t anything Alex and I couldn’t do. I was sad our gig as co-chairs had ended, but I thought, there is no one else I would’ve wanted to work with but him. We made it back to the conference hotel. And to this day we laugh about 3AM hot dogs.

I haven’t always been good at finding partners or lovers, but I have no regrets in the friends I have chosen throughout my life. Nearly 20 years later, I am the Godparent of Alex’s 3 boys and we have shown up for each other in divorces, breakups, friend breakups, loss of family, weddings, life celebrations and graduations. Through it all, Alex has had this way of laughing into my heart, and yet in his very loyal way, asking questions, “Are you really ok?” One day, I hope to tell him, “I always am, because of you.” My brother.

[Robin Nixon]

I love this Julian. So many fun colorful details, my favorite being “a 250 pound Filipino man drop into a full split onto the sticky club floor to Rupaul’s Supermodel?” So much personality through out and then a very touching ending. Thank you for “laughing into my heart” — now I have words for that feeling. Will you send this to Alex? – Robin

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