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Stefanie, this is excellent character work. You really dug deep into the details of your Wela Carmen and crafted a perfect snapshot of her. Love the mix of the spiritual and the real life moments too. The imagery of her room filled to the brim with candles and saints and other items combined with visits from the newly dead allow us to feel the enormity of your grandmother’s presence and power at the same time. Loved this: Her bedroom was my escape from my father’s anger, even though it was a classic hoarder case with floor to ceiling boxes surrounded by Botanica statues of saints and santos. I sat at the edge of her twin sized bed as we watched her novelas, eyeing the forbidden caramelos she left out for them with shots of rum. I didn’t get why statues needed offerings of wrapped caramelos they would never touch.
Nyx, this is an excellent recollection of your auntie. The details are crisp and specific. The camel cigarettes and the Jack Daniels mixed with bbq wings are work together to create a perfect snapshot of a real person, living her life as she pleases. You’ve got the writing magic, Nyx.
Julián, this is breathtaking. Searing, profound and so deeply vulnerable and honest. Like at every turn you weave in the emotions, the unique details of your experience and the greater life questions this has left you with. What a glorious piece of writing. I loved all of this: Ferrufina Martínez Uclés: mi madre biológica. A veces siento que siempre he estado persiguiendo a una fantasma. Gracias por darme vida, mi cerebro y convicción. No se si nunca nos vamos a reconectar, pero debes de saber que siempre has estado conmigo.– this reads like a prayer. Just stunning all around. Thank you for sharing your writing with us.
Stefanie, this is excellent. Your voice is authentic and rooted in strength, vulnerability and truth. Love it all. Love the specific moments you lay out for us, to really put the reader in your life and make us laugh: I put ketchup on my pasteles. I can even makes that life changing lasagna just as good as you ever did. And there’s so much beauty in the writing too: Your Bronx was on literal fire, while mine choked on lingering invisible smoke. I wasn’t going to be another forgotten girl from the forgotten borough, so that train became my escape to the horizon. I think my main questions are: What happened with the mom?? Is she an ex-drug addict turned Evangelical? Was there a falling out about queerness? Some moments were just a touch unclear but that’s an easy fix, just a clarifying line here and there would fill those little voids. You got this!
Maria, this letter is a testament to grief and longing. The mother wound cuts so deep. Love the imagery of a 10 year old in grief counseling, trying to figure out their feelings. Loved every question. There’s such a tangible urgency in all of it, like the desire to truly know the mother’s journey is palpable. I wanted to know more about Yuri’s queer journey, so maybe alongside the questions, there could be moments where she shares those snapshots about herself and gives to her mother what she wishes her mother could give to her. This section is so beautiful: I know you didn’t finish high school, I think you only went up to 6th grade, but I wonder what you would have thought of Gloria Anzaldua had you known about her. A Chicana lesbian from the Valley in Texas. There were so many others like you, a brown queer Mexican girl; you were not alone. I hope you knew that.
Amar, did you revise this version? I re-read the first one and they’re pretty much identical. I think you could have expanded on this work with what we wrote in class last week and from the comments I shared on the first draft. I appreciate your work overall and still think this is a very thoughtful and solid letter.
Hi Robin, this letter has such good bones. Really appreciated the movement in the ancestor’s childhood story: being abandoned, finding work as a maid, and so on. In another draft, those are great places to add more specific details. I wish there was more about Dawn, like what she’s passionate about and why she’s a sin vergüenza. What is impractical about her wanting the next generation to be better? How does that make her a Sin Vergüenza? Also what is the connection to Puerto Rico from your end and how does that take root in Dawn? Just some good stuff to think about. Thanks so much for sharing your work!
Robin, this is such a fun piece. Love how dedicated Dawn is to her wife and baby. Her protector energy is rooted in absolute love & devotion. That was great. Excited to see more of it, especially in the moments where Dawn gets vulnerable in her thoughts. One thing, you open with the Abuelita being the root to sin vergüenza for Dawn but then she’s meeting her Tia. Maybe choose one and move her from start to finish, maybe she even joins them at the restaurant just in time to see Dawn in action. Either way, thank you for this.
Maria, that last paragraph could be an entire chapter. It’s so layered and full of emotion. You could really dig deep there and build out something so powerful. The tension was thick all around. You grappling with the term sin vergüenza and the legacy of your bisabuela is deeply felt and handled with so much care. I could feel it when you wrote about holding your tongue and making yourself small. Also, the way you pull shame right out into the middle of it all is so important too. Excited to read more of your work.
That first line stopped me in my tracks: The weight of the Catholic school uniform did its duty at reminding me that I was made of shame. Stefanie! That is so real. Excellent opening line. The whole piece reads like the best type of YA: honest, self aware, deeply emotional and at times, funny af. Also, you give such respect and weight to the bigger life questions/experiences/beliefs that your character is facing: I did everything in my power to contain myself and be good, because that was how you secured the love of the deity and the ticket to heaven.
Like damn, way to critique religion & girlhood without missing a moment of that YA energy. Excited to read more of your work.NELLY!!! this was effortless. The piece moved and flowed at every turn. Love your descriptions and how you are able to place us so deeply in the moment. Run with what you’re writing. you fill this piece with so much family history and still kept the energy up, fierce, focused. i cheered out loud for your grandma: My mother, siblings, aunts, uncles and brother-in-law converted to Jehovah’s Witness when I was two, my grandmother on the other hand was neither catholic or JW, she would say “I am my own person and do not tell me what to do and who to believe in”.
I can’t wait to read more about her and more about, Nel.Amar, what a thoughtful and sincere letter. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being so vulnerable on the page. This is a strong blueprint for the next version of your letter, seriously. Every line points to something real. Let’s hone in on that. Loved this: I was infatuated with pop stars and movies, so
convinced that I was meant to be just like them. I expressed myself loudly with my music taste. I ordered dessert with any meal.
Now let’s taste that dessert. Let’s see what scene in your favorite movie absolutely guts you. And it’s not about flooding the page with specific details about random things, it’s about using those details to truly showcase your voice & your life/who you are. You’ve got this.jennifer!! you’ve got the gift. literally, this quick write was exquisite. full of lush details, memories, and sharp questions. loved the quotes you brought in from audre lorde and melida rodriguez. loved this running list of other phrases, beyond sin vergüenza: you know what mami has and does call me a lot that I have self-identified with? Relambia lmao. Also freca. Arreta. Ratrera. Charlatana. continue layering these details, fragments, quotes, and in the flesh moments of revelation. you’re on the path. can’t wait to keep reading your work! lean into the details even more, just naming the woman in the blue dress brings her to life even brighter on the page. weave in the specifics. color, location, the senses etc
Jay, this is such a joyous snippet of writing. i wanted to learn more about your time as a mascot: I was around 5 years old
when I started my cheerleader sporting journey as a mascot. there’s got to be a lot of sensory details there, regarding costumes and times/place. with the freewrites, lean into the specific details wherever you can. i love all the references to dancing and movement. what was it you loved so much about dancing as a kid? who showed you how to dance? thank you for this freewrite!Julián, thank you for this piece. The Read was sharp, powerful and a testament to the formations of sin vergüenzas everywhere. this is such a tremendous moment of quiet calculated power: I interrupted her and said calmly, “It’s hard when people tell us about ourselves without permission.” I picked up my snapple bottle, took a sip of pink lemonade, read my bottle cap, put it back on the cold glass bottle. Got up, zipped up my black hoodie, got my red sony CD player with headphones and left. I never saw her again.
i wanted to read more about those suburbs. feel free to dig into place and location and let those details tell their own part of the story. also this line gripped my whole spirit: How ashamed I was that my heart language was stolen from me
i wanted to learn more about how they learned their heart language was stolen from them. this is so good. keep going! -
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