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Maria, that last paragraph could be an entire chapter. It’s so layered and full of emotion. You could really dig deep there and build out something so powerful. The tension was thick all around. You grappling with the term sin vergüenza and the legacy of your bisabuela is deeply felt and handled with so much care. I could feel it when you wrote about holding your tongue and making yourself small. Also, the way you pull shame right out into the middle of it all is so important too. Excited to read more of your work.
That first line stopped me in my tracks: The weight of the Catholic school uniform did its duty at reminding me that I was made of shame. Stefanie! That is so real. Excellent opening line. The whole piece reads like the best type of YA: honest, self aware, deeply emotional and at times, funny af. Also, you give such respect and weight to the bigger life questions/experiences/beliefs that your character is facing: I did everything in my power to contain myself and be good, because that was how you secured the love of the deity and the ticket to heaven.
Like damn, way to critique religion & girlhood without missing a moment of that YA energy. Excited to read more of your work.NELLY!!! this was effortless. The piece moved and flowed at every turn. Love your descriptions and how you are able to place us so deeply in the moment. Run with what you’re writing. you fill this piece with so much family history and still kept the energy up, fierce, focused. i cheered out loud for your grandma: My mother, siblings, aunts, uncles and brother-in-law converted to Jehovah’s Witness when I was two, my grandmother on the other hand was neither catholic or JW, she would say “I am my own person and do not tell me what to do and who to believe in”.
I can’t wait to read more about her and more about, Nel.Amar, what a thoughtful and sincere letter. I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being so vulnerable on the page. This is a strong blueprint for the next version of your letter, seriously. Every line points to something real. Let’s hone in on that. Loved this: I was infatuated with pop stars and movies, so
convinced that I was meant to be just like them. I expressed myself loudly with my music taste. I ordered dessert with any meal.
Now let’s taste that dessert. Let’s see what scene in your favorite movie absolutely guts you. And it’s not about flooding the page with specific details about random things, it’s about using those details to truly showcase your voice & your life/who you are. You’ve got this.jennifer!! you’ve got the gift. literally, this quick write was exquisite. full of lush details, memories, and sharp questions. loved the quotes you brought in from audre lorde and melida rodriguez. loved this running list of other phrases, beyond sin vergüenza: you know what mami has and does call me a lot that I have self-identified with? Relambia lmao. Also freca. Arreta. Ratrera. Charlatana. continue layering these details, fragments, quotes, and in the flesh moments of revelation. you’re on the path. can’t wait to keep reading your work! lean into the details even more, just naming the woman in the blue dress brings her to life even brighter on the page. weave in the specifics. color, location, the senses etc
Jay, this is such a joyous snippet of writing. i wanted to learn more about your time as a mascot: I was around 5 years old
when I started my cheerleader sporting journey as a mascot. there’s got to be a lot of sensory details there, regarding costumes and times/place. with the freewrites, lean into the specific details wherever you can. i love all the references to dancing and movement. what was it you loved so much about dancing as a kid? who showed you how to dance? thank you for this freewrite!Julián, thank you for this piece. The Read was sharp, powerful and a testament to the formations of sin vergüenzas everywhere. this is such a tremendous moment of quiet calculated power: I interrupted her and said calmly, “It’s hard when people tell us about ourselves without permission.” I picked up my snapple bottle, took a sip of pink lemonade, read my bottle cap, put it back on the cold glass bottle. Got up, zipped up my black hoodie, got my red sony CD player with headphones and left. I never saw her again.
i wanted to read more about those suburbs. feel free to dig into place and location and let those details tell their own part of the story. also this line gripped my whole spirit: How ashamed I was that my heart language was stolen from me
i wanted to learn more about how they learned their heart language was stolen from them. this is so good. keep going! -
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